Crawl Across the Ocean

Monday, November 28, 2005

Carnival of Schadenfreude

Well, I caught my eye in the mirror
And gave it a long and loving inspection
"There stands some kind of man", I roared
And there did, in the reflection
My hair combed back like a raven's wing
My muscles hard and tight
And curling from the business end of my gun
Was a query-mark of cordite
Well I spun to the left, I spun to the right
And I spun to the left again
"Fear me! Fear me!"
But no one did cause they were dead

And then there were the police sirens wailing
And a bull-horn squelched and blared
"Drop your weapons and come out
With your hands held in the air"
Well, I checked the chambers of my gun
Saw I had one final bullet left
My hand, it looked almost human
As I raised it bravely to my head
"Drop your weapon and come on out!
Keep you hands above your head!"
I had one long hard think about dying
And did exactly what they said

I'm a little late commenting on this, but with some topics it's better late than never and the return of the prodigal Black sheep certainly falls into that category. A few years back, the British Government decided to offer Conrad Black a peerage (making him Lord Black of Crossharbour) but Prime Minister Chretien who (like many people), hated Black's guts, cited an obscure rule which prevents Canadian citizens from holding foreign titles, so Black was forced to choose between his Canadian citizenship and a British title.

Given the choice, Black renounced his Canadian citizenship, making some unfriendly comments at the time about how he could never soar on eagle's wings with the lead weight of Canadian citizenship tied around his talons (or something like that).

But Black's days of lording it over everyone have come to an abrupt end. These days he has been forced to sell off his assets, his longtime associate David Radler is squealing on him, and Black has been charged with 8 counts of fraud and is facing up to 40 years of jail time. Worst of all, the paper he founded, the National Post, held a contest to determine Canada's Greatest Public Right-Wing Ideologue and the Post's readers voted for Don Cherry over Black. If only he'd been more flamboyant with his suits, and less flamboyant with his status seeking and financial shenanigans, how different things could have been.

But what's done is done and the future looks bleak. Facing jail time in the U.S., Black has suddenly decided that maybe the lead weight of Canadian citizenship is bearable after all. It's enough to make a guy wish that Jean Chretien was still in power to give Black's appeal for citizenship the proper hearing it deserves. Even without Chretien around, it looks like the Liberals might be bringing in a law making it impossible for people charged with a serious crime to gain Canadian citizenship - seems reasonable. Perhaps this is just a Liberal ploy so that they can blame the opposition for Black getting his citizenship back if the new law dies due to an opposition vote of no confidence.

At any rate, few Canadian bloggers were able to resist the urge to partake in this rare bumper harvest of schadenfreude.

The Amazing Wonderdog, "enjoys the spectacle of Black crawling back upon his expensively tailored knees"

Pogge and Paul Wells both make the same jump to a joke about Paul Martin understanding flags of convenience.

Kevin Brennan wishes Black luck, sincerely I'm sure, although the post title suggests otherwise.

Talkx3 first wants Black to go on a speaking tour explaining to young Canadians why Canada is the best place to live. Great idea!

Maria has some heartfelt comments on the situation from the perspective of someone just getting their citizenship (for the first time).

A commenter on Maria's post suggests having Black beg for his citizenship on live TV (A great idea, I can see it now: Ben Mulroney hosting, "The lines will open up after the show. If you want to see Black given his citizenship back text us 'wotevr'. If you want his sorry ass kicked to the curb, text us with 'seeyah') which prompted Brett Lamb to do a poll.

Maribel (the Nag on the Lake), thinks that under the circumstances, Black might have to apply for refugee status.

The Melville quotient simply says, "Oh, Conrad. What a prick he is".

The Daily Ranter suggest the Black is the 'Weenie of the Week' - just the week?

Finally, Kevin Patrick, at A Town Called Podunk has the most thorough blog coverage I've seen, ending on a high note:
"Like many a tourist to Europe before him, suddenly Mr. Black has discovered that the little Maple Leaf on a backpack, or even on a passport, can be a truly valuable thing to call your own!"

1Lyrics from 'O Malley's Bar' by Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds. If you agree with Dan McTeague that the music of U.S. rapper $0.50USD is too violent to be played in Canada, do not ever listen to this song!


  • Thanks for the mention...I would give Black a more substantial award, but let's face it...there are much more deserving weenies out there, than just an ex-pat jockeying to avoid the US pen...when I introduce a weenie of the year, I'll add him to the consideration list.

    By Blogger SimpleMan, at 7:59 PM  

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