Crawl Across the Ocean

Sunday, November 13, 2005

Got Some Time on Your Hands?

Here is a link for anyone who meets the following three criteria:

A: You've seen the movie Batman & Robin (the one with George Clooney, Uma Thurman, Arnold).

B: Like many people, including myself, you consider it to be one of the stupidest movies ever made.

C: You haven't already read the incredibly long, very funny review from the Agony Booth that I linked to.

Condition A is necessary because if you haven't seen Batman and Robin, you won't be able to appreciate how it could drive someone to write a painstaking 10,000 word explanation of just how dumb it is.

Condition B is necessary because if you saw Batman and Robin, and you liked it... Well, I have nothing further to say to you at this point.

Condition C is self-explanatory, I think.

A couple of quotes to give you an idea of the tone of the review:
"Barbara's helmet then falls off, probably so we can fully appreciate her reaction when Dick takes a moment to remove his own helmet and say, "So, this is where you hang out!" Barbara, who's only being saved from horrible bloody death by the strength of Dick's ankle, just lets off an annoyed groan. Yeah, if I'm about to plunge 600 stories, about the last thing I'd want to hear in my final moments is a stupid pun.

Back at Wayne Manor, Dick quizzes Barbara about her racing. She explains that she's been doing it ever since her parents died because it "made the pain go away." Yeah, right. If that were the case, you would have seen a lot of people taking up street racing immediately after this movie came out."

and later...

"Freeze then goes on the warpath, promising that Batman and Robin's "bones will turn to ice! Their blood will freeze in my hands!" Ivy likes the idea, but says "the society that created them" should not go "unpunished". Freeze is totally digging on this same vibe: "If I must suffer," he says, "Humanity will suffer with me!" I can't think of a better explanation for why I wrote this review in the first place."

The true power of the internet at work.


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